Searching

I honestly did not search for God or Lord Jesus very much until after I left my parent's home.  I did have questions about many traditions. I was more open to learning about other religions. I certainly didn't understand the disgust some people had with certain Christian groups. You don't need to agree with the beliefs. You don't need to, basically, hate either.
I searched for the difference often and did not really know if I would ever find a difference. I knew God existed. I believed in the miracle of Lord Jesus. My heart did not feel a change though. I was not sure I would feel a change in my heart though. I didn't know how I would 'know' what the difference was. I didn't have people to discuss the subject with.
I looked at many different religions that I knew very little about. I talked to ladies that came around from the Jehovah's Witnesses. They were different. They offered a look at a part of the Bible my mom had told me would scare me and to never read it: Revelations. After talking with those ladies, I read a part of Revelations and did not fear what I read. Honestly, I didn't understand it all but I did not feel fear. I attended Baptist churches and liked them but did not feel a real difference. I talked to Mormons (and disagreed with the teachings), Methodists, Lutherans, and a few others and nothing seemed very different. I kept talking to people of different beliefs hoping to find what I knew deep inside of me was missing.
I cried and begged God to show me the way. I was angry at times. I need to also mention I was also depressed. I spent most of my teenage years and young adult years depressed. I still searched because my heart told me over and over there was an answer. I would find what I was missing.
I moved to WV to help my brother and sister-in-law with their children. I met a lovely man and fell in love. I was happy for a time. And still searching.
My brother and his family moved. The lovely man broke off our relationship. I had to move back home with my parents. I tried to end my life. I didn't want to live that way anymore. When the knife barely cut even with the pressure I was applying, I fell apart and cried for a very long time. I looked into the ceiling, feeling like a complete failure, and asked the air "What am I to do now?" I continued to cry. I felt as though someone had wrapped his arms around me and the words "Come follow me" poured through my heart and mind. I knew it was Lord Jesus. I stopped crying and looked towards the future.
I worked very hard to go to school near the same area of WV I had lived. I really liked the area. Besides, I had hopes of restoring the broken relationship with the man who was now a close friend.
School started. I met people. I was still friends with that special guy. Life was looking up.
College classes are challenging. I was enjoying the life though. I met some really wonderful people. 
After a few months of talking to Theresa and Lewis, I was ready to try the church they were attending. At first, I was shocked. Deep rose carpets and not brown. Chairs and not pews. No statues. No crucifixes. (I must add here that the lack of statues and crucifixes was a huge relief!) The music was different. The people were joyful and friendly. The entire experience was new, different, and most welcomed. 
There was a change. The feeling inside me was different. I started to think I was closing in on what was missing.